Grissom's Secret I
by fstasu53
Summary: Grissom is made to face the fact that he needs a friend, and that Sara had deep feelings for him, all during a personel crisis. This starts off GOC and it will end up as GSR. Please Review.
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I don't own these wonderful characters, they are just exercise for my muse. I do however own the original characters that appear in this story, along with any mistakes that may have been overlooked in editing. 

SYNOPSIS: Grissom is made to face the fact that he needs a friend and that Sara has deep feelings for him, all during a personal crisis. this starts out G/OC only to become GSR.

"You know she loves you. Can't you see that, " Angela reminded him of the one thing he chose to ignore. He looked upon her as a father would a daughter, mostly as a fellow worker whose abilities to do the job were way above most. Yet his heart, which no one else knew, belonged to another.

Gil Grissom had two loves. The one everyone got to see, the work that always seemed to consume his every waking moment, and the second one, that was really the all consuming factor in his life. He was afraid to share the second one, for he wanted to be the only one to feast upon her beauty.

Angela snuggled up next to him, wanting to share his warmth.

He smiled happy to take her in his loving embrace. "Can we not talk about that? I'd rather just enjoy you," he peered into her blue-green eyes only to see her concern emblazoned there.

"I see, if you ignore it long enough, it will go away. Is that your theory, Gil," she had no intention of dropping the subject. "You've done that for four years now, and her feelings haven't changed. You're not that blind."

"I see, one of us is still talking about this. Okay, I choose to ignore her advances, for so many reasons," there was no anger in his tone, just a mild annoyance that she wouldn't let it go. "Do you know what it would cost her if I acknowledged her feelings?"

"I know that you have enough basis for a sexual harassment suit," spoken like a true lawyer, even though she was a criminal lawyer not a civil one.

"I would never do that, she's a valued member of my team," he had tried to be Sara's friend, and once he was her mentor. Somewhere along the line their friendship had got lost.

"Listen to yourself, Gil. I thought she was a friend not just a co-worker," Angela had a knack for pointing out the obvious.

He gazed upon her lovingly, knowing she was right, but still not wanting to hear it.

Angela had become his rock, when things got really tough she was right there to lighten his load, and give the love he had grown to crave. Yet he chose to keep his beautiful lady love a secret.

Grissom had met Angela when he first came to Vegas, after a particularly brutal case, where he had to testify for the first time. He was immediately drawn to her beauty, but, soon after that he discovered her intelligence rivaled his, this intrigued him.

The court case had drug on for a month, when it was finally over he asked her out. Pulling out all the stops, he wined and dined her for the next month, in a style that he felt her beauty and grace deserved, being the consummate gentleman, he got to know her, to make sure it was much more than an infatuation.

Finally sure it was a deeply intense love, he asked her to spend his day off with him. Remembering that particular day, was one of several sweet memories they shared.

"Angela, I love you. I don't know what's happened to the friendship I once had with Sara, but, it may just be her way of coping with the job," he did care for Sara. Only because of the friends they once were, he would protect her or defend her like she was his daughter or little sister, and that's as far as his feelings for her went.

"It's her way of dealing with a love that's not returned. Gil, ignore it, deny it, all you want, she loves you. I'm not telling you to jump her bones, you could at the very least, try to be her friend again. She's at a point where her feelings have become fragile, she could break if you don't throw her a lifeline," Angela had always managed to make him face those things he would normally choose not to deal with.

"Would it make you happy, if I try to be her friend again," he only cared about her happiness, and if rebuilding the friendship with Sara would do that he would try.

"It's not about my happiness, it's about Sara's wellbeing. Darlin', I see her about to fall apart and you may be the only person who can prevent that from happening," she didn't even know Sara, but, she could see a woman on the brink of a complete breakdown.

"I don't know if I can prevent that, but, I promise I will try, okay." he didn't want to lose a friend and he knew Angela was right. He had never lost eye contact with her, caressing the soft skin of her cheek, he tried to convey the fact that the subject was closed to further deliberation. He truly loved the way she responded to his touch, even after all the years they had been together, yet he kept his love for her a secret from the rest of the world.

Angela leaned her head into his warm caress, she knew he had got the message. "Uhm...Gil," she returned his caress with a stroke of his soft beard. She knew where this was leading, and she was putty in his big strong hands.

Every time they made love it was sweeter that the last, they never seemed to be able to get enough of each other. He always left her satisfied, and looking forward to their next indulgence. He was, after all the best lover she had ever had, and she hadn't had very many.

When their lips met, the depth of their kiss was as exciting as their first deep kiss. The love they shared had grown stronger over the years, he only had eyes for her.

Grissom woke up with her in his arms and another wonderful memory to make him smile. He tried to pull away from her, needing to get ready for work. She wouldn't let go, not wanting to lose the warmth of his embrace.

He knew his smile was about to get bigger before his work shift started. She never ceased to amaze him.

When he walked into his office at the lab, he still wore the smile no one could quite explain.

"You sure look happy tonight," Sara observed, looking like she crawled out of the seventh level of hell. Her downcast demeanor drove home the topic of conversation he had dismissed earlier in the day.

"Sara, sit please," he gestured toward the chair in front of his desk. "What's bothering you, are you alright?"

"Since when do you care if I'm alright," she got defensive, unsure what he expected.

"We were friends once, and friends show concern for each other," he was keeping the promise he made. He had to admit, Sara, did look as fragile as a piece of fine crystal.

"We haven't been friends for a long time, Grissom, why now," she wanted so much more from him, but, was no longer willing to risk her heart. She was in too much pain to let him crush her anymore.

"I still want to be your friend, I do care about you," he tried to break through this wall she was hiding behind.

"It would be nice to be friends again," her reserved tone was evident.

"So how have you been, Sara," he took the first step to fix a friendship that he had almost lost.

Her eyes pierced through him like two lasers, " I'm fine, I find it difficult to believe that you really care."

His phone picked that moment to ring, annoyed by the interruption, he answered, "Grissom."

It was Brass, whatever he said drained all the color out of Grissom's face. "We'll be right there."

"We have an accident scene to go to, you drive," he shoved past her still pale, hands deep in his pockets unable to look up, moving quickly.

Sara caught up, scared for him, unsure what could possibly be wrong. As they climbed into the SUV he gave her the location so quietly she barely heard him.

TBC


	2. Grissom's Secret II

Headed toward the scene she needed to know what was going on with him, "Gris, what's the matter?" 

He turned to face her , but, didn't speak, he appeared to be grief stricken.

"It's bad isn't it, she wasn't sure who, she stepped on the gas.

The Camaro was totaled, the paramedics were tearing the roof off. He hurried toward the car, Sara close on his heels. Brass stepped in front of him, stopping his progress briefly.

The look Grissom gave Brass told his friend there was no stopping him, "Gil, let them get her out of there," Jim could see this was more than a routine crime scene for his friend. He managed to stop Sara, to tell her the particulars of the scene. They watched him make his way to the mangled wreckage.

"The Camaro was sideswiped by an SUV. The witnesses said it ran her into the lightstandard, and sped off swerving all over the road, possibly drunk. We've got a partial plate broadcasted. We'll find it and get that driver," Brass filled Sara in still keeping an eye on his friend.

"Who's in the car," she had never seen Grissom as distraught as this.

"I don't know, Sara. I'm pretty sure he does," Brass could tell, Gil knew who the lady in the car was, he was just not sure how.

Grissom got to the car as they were laying her on the stretcher. Her beautiful blue-green eyes were open and somehow found his. He took her hand in his, the paramedic tried to stop him, but the look Grissom gave him change his mind.

He turned away from her long enough to holler at Brass and Sara, "get whoever did this." He got in the ambulance.

"Jim, what's going on here," Sara couldn't believe what she had just witnessed. If she didn't know better she would think Grissom had feelings for the lady he got in the ambulance with.

"I think we just found out something about Gil no one else knows. Lets wait and see before we start any unwarranted rumors," Brass could see the shock in Sara's expression. "I'm calling in the rest of the team to process this scene."

Sara grabbed her kit and got to work, thoughts of what she had just seen swimming around in her mind.

Angela was conscience the whole way to the hospital. Except for the nasty cut on her forehead and all the blood she seemed fine.

"I love you, darlin', you're going to be fine," he had told her this several times during the trip. Squeezing her hand in gentle reassurance, he was truly scared. Grissom couldn't handle the idea of losing his beautiful lady love.

Just as they wheeled Angela into examination room, he was forced to let go of her hand, "Gil, I love you, forever." It was so faint he hardly heard her, it was all she had said. His heart was torn and bleeding, the thoughts of losing her were tearing him apart.

The nurse showed him where he could wait and gave him the usual papers to fill out. He was numb, couldn't think, pictures of the events that had just passed weighed heavy on his mind. Her beautiful face and long blonde hair covered in blood, her blood was foremost in his mind. When he finally focused, seeing his hands covered in her blood was the last straw, the tears, that he was desperate to hold back, finally fell from his eyes to leave their stains on his handsome face.

He didn't even notice someone had sat down beside him. "Gil," no response. She put her hand tenderly on his shoulder, "Gil," Catherine was worried about her friend.

He slowly turned toward the familiar voice, a haunted look on his face, eyes full of fear, tear stains evident, "Cath,....why?"

She put a comforting arm around him, yet like everyone else she was uncertain as to why her dear friend was such a basket case. She didn't believe what Jim and Sara had related to her, but, now it all seemed to be true, "Talk to me, Gil. I'm here for you," he had been there for her when Eddie beat on her, she was finally able to repay that in some way.

His dead serious stare through eyes that continued to tear up, told Catherine how deeply his feelings for the woman he awaited news on went. Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, "I love her Catherine. Don't let them take her from me, she's my whole world." His eyes glazed over, he looked to be miles away.

"Gil, no one's going to take anyone from you. I'm sorry, but, I really don't know who you are talking about." Catherine had never heard such desperation in Grissom's voice, she was scared for him, yet the curious part of her wanted to know who the mysterious woman was, that he just openly professed his love for. "Talk to me Gil. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

That almost brought him completely back to this plane of existence. "I'm sorry, nobody knows, but, Angela....her name is Angela, we have been together for about ten years now. I love her, I couldn't handle it if I lost her. She's been in there an awful long time, why...why... We're happy," just when it looked like he was going to collapse back in on himself, the doctor came out to talk to him.

"Mr. Grissom, she keeps asking for you. She's lost a lot of blood, but, there are no internal injuries. She has a concussion and we're going to keep her here for twenty four hours observation, it's standard hospital procedure for any head trauma. You can see her now, she is still groggy , and we gave her something for the pain. She's very lucky, Mr. Grissom." The doctor turned and walked away.

Grissom gave Catherine a quick hug, and went to see Angela, leaving Catherine standing there with her mouth hanging open.

He peered down on her drying the tears from his eyes. She seemed to be in peaceful sleep, he was always amazed by her beauty. Taking her hand gently in his, giving a silent prayer of thanks for sparing her life, and allowing him the opportunity to make their lives together right.

Grissom met her eyes that were lovingly caressing his face. "Hi, darlin', how are you? I'm so sorry you should be at work," she was still a little groggy from the whole ordeal.

"Don't worry about me, I'm covered. The only thing that matters right now is that you're going to be alright. You scared the heck out of me," his tone was teasing as a sweet smile spread across his face. He kissed her hand first on the back and then the palm, enjoying the warmth of her skin. Finally leaning down he placed a soft kiss on her forehead that was bandaged.

She reached up to caress the soft bearded cheek she loved so much, "Gil, I love you. I'm sorry I scared you," she pulled him to her lips, wanting to taste what she could have lost forever.

His cell phone always managed to go off at the wrong moment. "Grissom," it was Sara with information on the accident scene.

"We tracked down the vehicle, but, Brass is still looking for the driver. The vehicle was abandoned a few blocks from the scene. We've had it towed to the garage. Found evidence of alcohol in the vehicle. Are you alright, Grissom," Sara had been worried about him since what she had witnessed earlier in the evening.

"I'm fine. Was the vehicle reported stolen or are we looking for the owner," he hadn't let go of Angela's hand, in the pit of his stomach was an urgent need to get the person who did this to the only one who ever held so much of his heart.

"Yeah, Brass has the vehicle owner as the first suspect on his list. Do you need anything, we're all concerned about you," she really meant she was concerned about him, but, thought better of wording it that way.

"Thank you, Sara, for your concern, but, everything will be fine," he read through her words. "Keep me posted, we need to get this person before he kills someone. One more thing, what did you do with the victim's car," he winked at Angela, as he asked about her beloved car.

"We have it here, in the garage also, it's considered evidence. It's pretty well totaled though," she wondered why he cared about that particular car.

"Sara, don't let anyone take that vehicle. I'll get it released to me," he knew Angela would want it totaled or not. That vehicle held some precious yet painful memories for Angela and she'd never let it go.

"Okay, see you later," it was more of a question than a statement, she wasn't sure about him at all.

"I'll be back when I'm sure Angela is going to be alright," he turned his phone off giving his full attention to his beautiful love.

"If you need to go to work, I'll be fine. You can come back later," she knew how much his work meant to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me," his mischievous grin gave away his teasing words.

She squeezed his hand as she drifted off to sleep.

He sat down next to her bed watching over her as she slept. Formulating plans for their future while she rested. He knew what was the right thing to do and he was actually ready to make an honest woman out of her. He thought he had lost her when he first saw how badly mangled her car was. This whole ordeal made him realize just how much he loved her, and how devastated he would have been if he lost her. After all she was the only breath of fresh air he had in his world, that was usually filled with death and darkness.

She awoke a few hours later to find his arm draped over her lower abdomen, and his head on her stomach. She felt so safe and protected gazing upon his handsome face so peaceful in sleep. "My sweet strong handsome knight, glad you're here to watch over me. I hope you don't get in trouble at work over this." She spoke softly not wanting to disturb him, running her fingers through his hair.

Gil had heard every word she uttered, he just wanted to enjoy her warmth for a moment longer. Staying where he half laid, "I heard what you said. Where is this handsome knight of yours?"

She caressed his bearded cheek, "you're my handsome knight, so strong, sweet, and gentle. When can we go home?"

He had sat up, "the doctor said twenty four hours mandatory for head injuries. Then I'll take you home," he placed his hand over hers and rubbed his cheek against her palm. Her smile warmed his heart.

Angela could see the love in his deep blue eyes, but, there was still something weighing heavily on his mind, "what's bothering you, Gil. I see it in your beautiful eyes. Share please."

"You always seem to know, don't you. And I know you won't let it go until I tell. Okay, I love you, more than I even knew, then I saw your car all twisted. I thought I had lost you, forever, before I got to say all the things I still want to tell you," he paused to let the wave of fear pass over him.

"I'm right here darlin', I'm not going anywhere," she took the opportunity to allay his fears, but, he wanted to tell her all of it.

"Angela, let me finish," his eyes searched her beautiful face, like he was seeing her for the first time. "I thought this was gonna be easy," he had taken her hand in his resolving to say this. "Angela would you do me the honor of consenting to be my wife?" His palms were sweaty and his mouth had gone dry. His heart was racing a thousand miles an hour, as an overwhelming sense of dread swept over him.

"My dear sweet, Gil. I love you so very much, and I've been so happy just sharing my life with you. Now you're telling me you want to share that happiness, with me, forever. Yes, Gil, I'll glady marry you." She suddenly felt wonderful, no aches, no pain, and her nasty headache was gone.

The smile that spread across his face could have easily lit the whole Vegas strip, with power to spare. His joy was short lived. Every bell and whistle she was hooked up to had gone off. Her hand had gone limp in his, she was gone.


	3. Grissom's Secret III

The convergence of hospital personnel that hit the room, overwhelmed him, leaving him weak and drained. Standing out of the way, he let them work praying that God would bring her back to him.

Led out to the hallway by a nurse, who told him to wait and let the doctors work.

He found Sara standing there, she had been outside the room long enough to hear him propose to Angela. She saw the haunted look on his face and the pain in his eyes. It all made Sara realize how much love he had for the lady who the doctors were desperately trying to save. Her heart ached for him.

His eyes met Sara's, he was barely able to contain the tears that filled his eyes. "What's happened, Sara, do they need me at the lab," his question was half hearted. Work was a momentary diversion his mind took to keep him from completely falling apart.

"No, Gris, she needs you to be here. I was just worried about you. Wanted to know if you needed anything," her heart broke as her eyes mirrored the tears in his.

They wheeled Angela out of the room, a doctor came to speak to him. "We've revived her, she has a rupture in her uterine wall that had been bleeding. We're going to suture the tear, give her a transfusion, and if she hasn't lost too much blood, she should recover fine. Someone will come get you when she's in recovery," the doctor waited for the inevitable questions that always came.

"How did you miss this earlier," Sara was very angry.

"It was very small, it just didn't present itself at the time," the doctor covered his backside with all the standard explanations.

"Thank you doctor," Grissom just wanted Angela to be whole again. He was teetering on the brink of a full fledged breakdown.

"Grissom, you need to sit down and get a grip on your self. She needs you to be strong," Sara's heart was breaking never having seen so much emotion from the man she cared so much about.

"Sara, I'm scared. I don't want to lose her. I've finally found the courage to fully commit to her, the way it should be for us. I can't bear to be without her," he was trying to keep the few threads of his sanity that were left by confessing his true self to Sara.

"Gris, she's in good hands. They'll take good care of her. She's going to be fine," Sara wanted to wrap her arms around him and comfort him, but, she thought better of that.

"I'm sorry, Sara. We didn't get to finish out talk earlier. I really do want to be friends," he thought by keeping the promise he had made to Angela it would be possible to save Angela's life, and he needed a good friend, like they once were.

The doctor approached, Grissom braced for the worst.

"You can go see her. She lost a lot of blood, and I'm so sorry, but, she will no longer be able to bear children, her injury left us no choice we had to do a hysterectomy," the doctor at least looked truly upset by the news he imparted.

"But she will be alright, won't she," Grissom knew how hard the doctors news may hit Angela. As for him he only wanted her to be well.

"She should recover fully from her injuries, yes," the doctor left him to see her.

"Sara, I need to see that she is really alright," he could see Sara understood.

"Go, she needs you," Sara had always wished it would be her he could feel so deeply for. She decided Angela was a very lucky woman, yet above all, she wanted him to be happy.

Grissom dried the tears from his eyes, entered the recovery room to see his sweet lady love sleeping peacefully. Gently taking her hand in his, noting just how pale Angela seemed, he prayed that no one would take her from him. Watching her breathe, he nuzzled her hand with his cheek, so glad to find she still felt warm.

"Gil," the faintest voice spoke his name. Angela's eyes were open, his soft beard against her hand had roused her from sleep.

"Angela, I'm right here, my love," he wanted to wrap her in his arms and keep her safe from any more harm.

She faintly smiled at him as her eyes fluttered closed once more.

As he settled in to wait for her to awaken again his cell phone rang. "Grissom," he tried to speak quitely.

"Everyone here is worried about you," Brass made the call no one else was willing to make. "Catherine and Sara have filled us in on what they know, it's time we all know if your lady is going to be alright."

"Thanks, the doctors say she'll be fine, but, I prefer to wait and see myself," he wasn't ready to take for granted what the doctors said, they were wrong before.

"Gil, we're all here for you. Let us know how we can help," there was so much concern in Jim's voice, for a friend he thought he knew.

"All we can do for now is wait, and pray," he was awed by how much everyone seemed to care about him and the lady they had never met.

Grissom settled back in the chair, not willing to leave her side, her hand in his. He felt so tired and oh so very old.

He wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep, but, he was awakened suddenly by the sensation of his hand being squeezed. His head jerked in her direction.

Angela awoke feeling like she was surrounded by a thick fog, the only familiar thing was the hand holding hers. "Gil. My dear sweet Gil," she was finally starting to rise out of the fog. Gaining her focus she searched his face, hoping to find the answers to all her unasked questions.

A soft sweet smile lit up his face as he met her beautiful blue-green eyes. "Hey, my beauty, you're awake." He kissed her hand feeling the warmth that had returned to her skin. Silently he gave a prayer of thanks.

"I have something to say to you, and I want you to just let me say this before you respond," her voice was weak, and her eyelids felt heavy.

"I'm listening, my love," his curious expression, mixed with the fear he felt rising up in him.


	4. Grissom's Secret IV

"I love you, know that this love is forever, Gil. If something happens to me, promise you won't retreat back into that closed off, walled in, workaholic I fell in love with all those years ago. There's someone out there who loves you also, she'd only be too happy to share her life with you. Don't shut her out," Angela felt heavy as a lead weight, and it was causing her to sink farther away from the site of his handsome face. She tried so desperately to hold on to the world, as she knew it, before she sank completely into the pit of darkness that was swallowing her up.

Her voice had been weak and a bit slurred, but, he heard every word she said causing his heart to sink in his chest as fear rose up through him. "Angela, I can't promise to feel something for someone I don't love. Besides you're going to be fine, I refuse to let you go anywhere," he went pale as she slipped back to sleep.

Her hand had grown so cold in his that he found himself promising her he would let Sara in, and begging her not to leave him. He prayed not willing to lose the love of his life. He knew there would never be another heart he could ever hold as close a he held hers.

A nurse came in to check her vital statistics. She ran, quickly, out of the room, only to appear a few short seconds later with the doctor in tow.

The doctor checked Angela thoroughly, "can we step out into the hall, Mr. Grissom?" The doctors overall demeanor was decidedly grim.

"It's not good, is it?" Grissom knew before the words were spoken that his heart was about to crumble into a million tiny pieces.

"I'm sorry she's just not responding. We're going to do another CAT scan. I believe her concussion was much worse than the first films showed. I can't be sure until we look again," the doctor wasn't helping the emotional breakdown, Grissom, was about to have.

Memories tangled with thoughts of how he would go on, if he were to actually lose her. Pictures of their times together flooded into his mind, how happy she had made him, he felt lost and so alone.

Angela sat next to him, on the bench he collapsed into. She reached up to wipe the lone tear that had managed to escape from the corner of his eye. She couldn't feel his skin or caress his soft beard. She gazed at him as the dark tunnel pulled her away from him. "Remember you don't have to be alone. You promised. I love you," she could no longer see his handsome face for the darkness had folded around her.

He saw the doctor saunter through the double doors, he braced for the worst, hoped for the best.

"Mr. Grissom, I hate to have to tell you this, but, she's gone. We'll have cause of death once the autopsy is performed. Again I'm so sorry," the doctor waited for any questions he might have.

Numb, but, still able to think, "can I request the doctor to perform the...," he choked back the tears needing to see to it she was taken care of properly. "Please, send her body... My God. Send her body to the crime lab," he sank back onto the bench, his voice weak and trembling. "Can I see her." He was no longer able to stop the tears.

"Yes, please, this way," the doctor led the way to Angela's remains. "We'll see to it that her body is sent to the crime lab for the autopsy."

Gazing down upon her, there was still a hint of color in her cheeks, he scooped her cold, limp hand into his. Bringing her hand to his face, he ever so gently rubbed his beard against the cold satin of her skin. He bent down and kissed her forehead watching a teardrop fall near the spot where he had just pressed his lips.

"Angela, I love you. Don't leave me," he wanted to wrap himself around her and hold her forever.

TBC


End file.
